(written by our very own Bee <3 )
That's right. I said it... "fetish". Most of the women here on this website (and others) cringe at the word, and some of us even fear it. The idea of our preferences, and who we are as human beings being misunderstood as some kind of sexual trigger. Sometimes, even worse, is the implication that being Asian is an automatic "in". However, although most of us deny the fact and defend our position time and time again, we still get accused or at least questioned of the very thing we detest to be grouped together with. Why is that? Well, ladies (and gentlemen!) let's take a look.
First, let's define the word "fetish".
(http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/fetish) I give you definition 1c:
"An object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression."
Now, as much as I love them tiny eyes fellas (yes, that's sarcasm), I do not NEED you to have them in order to get off sexually. I do not NEED an Asian man to get off sexually at all, infact. *GASP* I know...shocking.
Most of the women here are equal opportunists, as I'll call them. We have a preference to Asian men, or simply do not rule them out of the equation for a possible partner. I, for example, have been with white and hispanic men as well as Asian males in my life. Heck, most of the women are bisexual here, so it doesn't even have to be a man! Although I find Asian men the most physically attractive out of all races typically it doesn't mean I have a fetish. It simply means I prefer the look of an Asian man. It's aesthetically pleasing to me.
However, if I find a white/hispanic/latino/black/enterracehere brother who catches my eye, you better believe I'll be just as physically AND sexually attracted as I would to any other man of any other race.
Now, me personally, no...I don't just date Asian men because I am physically attracted to them. That is only one aspect, so please don't get on my case about all that nonsense. I appreciate the sense of family values and morals most Asians are brought up with. It's quite similar to the Italian values and morals I was brought up with I've noticed, and so there is a sense of common ground for me. I like the culture, and I find learning about it rather fascinating, and I also find eastern philosophies and religions to be quite beautiful. I could go on and ellaborate, but that would be selfish, and no one wants to read an article all about me...
So...back to the real issue at hand: Why? Why do some men here still question whether it is we have a fetish or not? Why do we still, to some people, give off the indication that this is some kind of Asian loving cult?? Ladies, I give you two words:
1. Asian
2. Points
Asian Points: Stop trying to get them. Stop it. Now. Stop it right now!
We've all been there. We've all done it, whether consciously or subconsciously. At one point or another we've all said something to an Asian man, spoke to him in his "native tongue", or told him something about his own friggin' culture even he didn't know and/or care about. It's our harmless way of saying "Hey, we really do like Asian people/culture." Which is all fine and dandy...but most of the time all they hear is "I WANNA BE ASIAN!!!!!" Which in all honesty, is just plain weird and would freak me out, too!
Now I'm not saying to not be yourself. If that's who you are, that's who you are. If you learned another language and you like to speak it, that's what you do. However, you do NOT need to do it every chance you get, or the moment you meet the man. Let him slowly learn about the things you share in common whether it be music, pop culture, fashion, or a language. There's nothing better than letting a man slowly discover these things about you. Make him be the one to inquire about what it is you find so attractive about Asian men and culture, and why it is you're here.
Think of it as opening a book. Page by page the more he learns about your character the more he'll want to turn the page and continue the story. Half the fun of being with someone is discovering something new about that person as time goes on, and without shoving all of those shared (and sometimes not at all) likes about Asian culture the more he'll see it as a positive. Instead of seeing you as not being comfortable with YOUR race, he'll most likely see the reality of which it is. That you're an open individual who embraces worldly things and has a taste for experiencing that which you may not have been able to grow up with. (Oh, BEE, you smooth talker. ;) )
In conclusion, don't get grouped with fangirls, don't try to get Asian points, and don't shove his own culture in his face before sharing what it is that makes you unique as an individual in this entire world. You're more than the music, clothes, and languages you like, and you certainly owe it to yourself to let a man see that.
Trill_J wrote 386 Days Ago (neutral) 0How the hell did my pic end up on a comment from a 106 days ago, WTF!!!!!!
1 point-
Tablespoon wrote 486 Days Ago (neutral) 0Why I go to "Asian Fetish" whenever a non-Asian girl shows interests in me!
"Oh my God, I love Korean Sitcoms! I have the latest J-Pop CD's! I love this particular Chinese Actor!" I have heard each and every one of those lines, and many others, at just about every initial conversation I have with a non-Asian female who has shown and obvious attraction to Asian-Males. Whenever I meet a non-Asian female who admits to being attracted to Asian-Males, I'm instantly wary of the reasons of why they are attracted to Asian-Males – due to my experiences being that they have an image problem or low self-esteem and view Asian-Males to be less cruel in openly judging these non-Asian Females. Thirdly, I admit that I reluctantly will confess to this, I do not expect a non-Asian Female to simply be attracted to me or any Asian-Males in general, without having a serious misunderstanding of who I really am - as a person and as someone who is constantly being pulled in two directions by different, but soundly reasonable, traditional or ethical value systems. So when a non-Asian Female approaches me and practically beats the fact that she is attracted to me into my skull, I am hesitant not because I am shy, but because I am unsure of where her values stems in her attraction towards me.
Just about every encounter I have had with non-Asian Females who have shown an attraction towards any Asian-Males, the experience is soured by the mentioning of various overseas media references! The very first White Female I ever meet who confessed to having an attraction to Asian-Males, had an Nano that was filled with J-Pop and K-Pop; languages she had very little fluency in. I later discovered that this particular White Female had an obsession with Japanese Culture. In particular, her attraction for Asian-Males stemmed from her view of Japanese Anime portrayal of young Japanese Males as, according to her, more relatable – their psyches fraught with vulnerability and insecurities which could be solve by a sympathetic women with an askew insight of how their minds work! Another frustratingly similar experience involved another White Female who had littered the wall of her studio apartment of pictures of Chinese Male actors – which she referred to as The Great Wall Of Chinese Men. She was also fluent in Mandarin, at least fluent enough to order food over the phone and have a short conversation with the operator. Food she ordered when I brought up the idea of us having dinner together and she volunteered her place and, what I had assumed, time to show off her cooking abilities a little. I was nigh impressed by her ability to speak Mandarin, a language I don't come close to speaking, nor did I see her in a good light when she'd ordered out to a Chinese restaurant half-way across town, when there was a very good Denny's Restaurant less than a block from where she was living.
Other much less lofty experiences with non-Asian Females were with females of body image issues, lack of social abilities, or low self-esteem, which may have or may not be directly related to the aforementioned issues. Of the non-Asian Females who have blatantly shown an attraction towards me or Asian-Males, many of them have been – to be descriptively blunt – obese! Many of these women blatantly admit to the fact that they are only attracted to Asian-Males because they believe that Asian-Males are less likely to judge them on their physical appearances and would readily accept, in some cases gratefully, any affections at all from the opposite sex. Or that Asian-Males are more likely to understand the emotional trauma she would self-induce upon herself and be kind enough to accept her affections, then later learn to return her affections. I believe that those misleading beliefs stem from her shallow and limited perception of not just Asian-Males, but of the male populace overall. Beliefs I believed stemmed from over infatuations with overseas media and fueled by personal fantasies. Point and note that many of the mentioned women I have met and filed under this particular category all had an obsession for Japanese/Korean Anime.
Finally, I myself am just unsure of how to deal with a woman who appears to be well balanced mentally and pays attention to her physical appearance that have an honest, healthy attraction to Asian-Males. I simply have a hard time believing and accepting that it is simply that simple! The world and culture I have grown up with, that of the United States of America's, have taught and showed that as an Asian-Male, I will always be considered a second-class citizen. I have been subconsciously lead to believe all my life that an Asian-Female is the best I can ever hope for – but only after I've found academic and financial success. Whenever I am approached by an attractive female of any ethnicity, two things immediately comes to mind: “What does she want from me” and “Does she think I'm some mainstream Asian ethnicity that she wants of cuddle up to like a cultural teddy bear?” I think this because I have only experienced, for the most part, women with a misconstrue view of Asian-Males. I have meet many women who wanted to use me as an emotional support beam because they feel I will be grateful to take on all of their emotional baggage without complaint! Is it so wrong for me or any Asian-Male to jump to the conclusion that most non-Asian Female with an attraction to Asian-Males may have an “Asian Fetish” or Yellow Fever?
When many non-Asian Female show an interest in an Asian-Male, the Asian-Male may believe it isn't the Asian-Male she's fully interested in – but the imposed values she believes exists within every Asian-Male, ideals she has mashed together from overseas sitcom, CD's, and other media outlets, that she is trying to appeal to. The idea of going against such an ideal is daunting! It would be easier to label any non-Asian Female with an attraction to Asian-Males as having fetishes, rather than to compete with a fantasy – and who here can say they can win when competing with a fantasy?
2 points
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