This thread is dedicated to stories, posts, comments about White females and Asian Males (AM/WF) relationships.

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I just want to address something that has always bothered me~ and see if anyone else has had the same problem.

As soon as I became interested in anything remotely romantic, I knew I liked Asian guys. In high school I was stuck in a pretty white bred suburb, and I thought I was a lesbian~ all the jocks hit on me and I got in to a lot of fistfights that way. I thought they were gross and contemplated a life without men at all. The ONE Asian guy in the whole school, poor Toshi, Japanese exchange student... I totally scared the crap out of him. I am pretty pushy with men~ hey don't judge~ the ones I like NEVER approach me. But that's not my complaint, shy guys are cool, and WAY less cocky. Once I got out of that monoculture paradise I moved across town to a place that has the largest population of Korean & Chinese in the city (did then at least). Anyway I figured it out real quick, ASIAN GUYS ARE HOTTT!

Yeah and I haven't looked back since. I eventually moved to Los Angeles and lived in Ktown for about 6years. Every time I would meet people outside my circle they would say "Oh you have an Asian fetish huh?" ... Dude....  really? A fetish, like how some people feel about shoes (or even feet)? I am simply attracted to a certain type of person and certain physical features, does that make me a fetishist? I have my physical reasons obviously but there is a certain personality I go for too that seems to be more prevalent  among Asian guys (luckily for me, cos if Asian dudes were assholes I'd be screwed).

I think most of the people who said this to me were white guys that got shot down~ but I like to broadcast that hey you know what there are women who dig Asian guys *exclusively* because I think we can all agree here that the media/society/culture etc. does a pretty big disservice to Asian men. Not only are us girls out there, but some of us are pretty friggin' hot (I've seen your photos ladies!).

So, now I am a married woman and I wonder if I would still be accused of having a fetish? Yeah I know a lot of crap about Korean this n' that but only because I live in a Korean household! I think in any successful interracial relationship both parties need to be open to their partner's culture~ I just happen to be really good at doing that :) Plus I have a kid and I want him to connect to his Asian side as well, since he is growing up here in the U.S. I still don't see myself as having a fetish. Maybe it's just the negative connotation that term carries that really bothers me. And hey, maybe some of you girls on here actually embrace the term. I am really open to hear comments on this, since I have never even spoke about this to anyone but a partner before.

Oh, and for anyone living in the "boonies" where there are AM/XF couples, go to a big city~ while you are young~ you will have the time of your life TRUST ME. My marriage is better now because I got to experience that.

I think there is a distinction to be made between preferences and fetishes. Where the former being the appreciation of positive attributes you see in the particular racial/ethnic group and the later being a pedestal you put them in the way young kids idolize celebrities. Where one crosses over into the other is sometimes hard to determine.

Personally, I don't think we should be too hung up on preconceived notions about certain groups of people. If that one person who fits the criteria of what you are looking fro in a partner enters your life, you should take the opportunity regardless of their race/ethnicity.

Also and ex of mine who is white who had not dated an Asian guy before myself ended up marrying an Asian guy with the same last name as me haha. So hurray to interracial/inter-ethnic/cross-cultural relations or whatever you want to call it.

THANK YOU!!! for getting the ball rolling on this. and a well written awesome article to boot. ^^

I consider a fetish to imply you like something that is usually not associated with sexuality. Like strangling, shoes, pain or whip cream. To me, saying you have a fetish for Asian men implies we are not normally looked at sexually, which does upset me. I also think I read into the meaning way too much and most people say a Fetish without actually thinking about it. I think if you sat down and talked about it, most people would agree and say it's a preference. In the end, I think it means no harm and is just a term being used incorrectly like Oriental instead of Asian.

Btw, my wife is from a small town in Missuori and we met in the Ozarks, when I lived in a big city in Calif. All her sisters like Asian guys  too and most all of her friends. I don't think you need a big city to meet a girl who likes Asian guys, you just need a big city to generally find Asian guys..lol

I agree with that whole fetish thing. Saying that Asians are a fetish is saying that it is weird and unacceptable to typically like Asians and that it is not normal to like Asians. Hell, if there are guys out there that prefer blondes or big boobs, why the fuck can't I like an Asian guy?

I don't necessarily think it is just a preference either. I mean, maybe for most people on here it's a preference. Maybe they just prefer Asian guys or whatever. For me, I'm starting to wonder if it's an orientation...I cannot see myself with a non-Asian (ESPECIALLY not a white guy). To me, dating a non-Asian is bizarre and inappropriate. I've dated a white guy before (sadly) and there's just something off about them. I'm sure at the end of the day it's all me, but I just can't do it.

In jr. high school, I rarely had crushes, and if I did, they were always Asians or at least half. For a long time I wondered if I was a lesbian or something, but I didn't have crushes on girls either so I thought something as really wrong. I learned about something called asexuality, which means that, in this case, you are not attracted to anything, male, female, whatever, and I thought maybe that was me. For about a year I struggled with that and told myself to like these white boys, even though I knew I really didn't. In the end, I figured I would just be alone and I kind of became cool with that, even though I knew it wouldn't go over very well with family in friends, but how do you explain that you just find other people to be unattractive? They wouldn't get it, so why even bother trying?

Holy Fuck, can I tell you how happy I was when I found this plethora of Asian guys on myspace? All of a sudden, guys weren't just cute, they were smoking HOT. I started liking Jrock and other kinds of music and I really felt like I found something that worked for me. Yes, I get a lot of crap for it, but I'm happy, so who cares?

If people ask me about this, I tell the truth. I hope they look at me and think "but you're not an anime nerd, you're not a weeabo, and you're actually mildly attractive, wtf is going on?" I want them to see that this isn't a fetish and that it isn't a phase. This is something that is becoming increasingly prevalent, and I hope more people see Asians as options instead of fetishes. I mean, fuck, we're all people.

I've always been the outcast...I am Chinese, but born in Taiwan. I have Asian friends, but the girls probably all feel that I'm too American for them. Some white girls like me, but usually they're not the norm. One of my ex is of German/Irish. She is totally hot, but we never got serious. All of a sudden, we just stopped hanging out. So weird to me. I've dated women of all races. Not discriminating at all. I don't think I have a type.

I think everyone has a preference, but I probably wouldn't call that a fetish.

Okay I know i am not 100% "white", but i had to compliment the post! Very well expressed, and I feel ya!

The real fucked up thing about it, is that believe it or not, the looks i get when i am with a Asian guy are not from Asians... Its from "blacks" and "whites"...

White men REALLLYY have a issue with this.. It is as if they believe the only thing that classifies or qualifies as a interracial relationship with a woman of color, is them...O,o WTF. For me this has a lot to do with territory, which i reply, "go piss on a tree, cus if you try it with me, I will cut you!"

Great post hun!

This is such a central topic.

I have only dated one Japanese girl even though I was brought up there.

Sadly the reaction in Japan is not so different from what Aniiko described, and it often makes me

question if it is unnatural to be attracted to Euro-American women.

The cliched view is that, "fetishistic" attraction to another ethnicity/race somehow shows a form of "self-hate" or inferiority complex.

But we all are attracted to people who belong to another group (ie men to women, women to men) if we are talking about heterosexual encounters.

Another view is that "Hollywood" culture has brainwashed men like myself to see white women as the standard of beauty.

... there's probably other cliches too.

I agree with you Aniiko! I have noticed this too.  It seems like if I'm attracted to Asian men, I am is labeled as "Asian Obsessed"  or "she just want make a 'cute' blasian baby." What the hell?!? Those are the most racist comments ever! but if I was dating a white man then it's not exactly agreed upon but it's tolerable. There should be absolutely no problem with finding an Asian man attractive! They are! I believe that in interracial couples, one shows more appreciation for someone that is different than them because variety is brought to the table and there is a kind of unconditional love there. It's a beautiful thing to see interracial couples, because they show that love has no color and it is those who are prejudiced that lacks that kind of unconditional love.

I don't have any trenchant commentary to offer on AM/WF relationships, at least nothing that hasn't already been said.  So instead, I'll just tell my AM/WF stories.

I have a running gag with a good friend of mine, a who's a white guy with an Asian girlfriend.  Every time we see or hear about a AM/XF couple, we let each other know and add a point to the imaginary scoreboard in the sky.  We always have a good laugh about it.  I don't begrudge him his Asian girlfriend, and they're both awesome people, but we openly discuss all the issues surrounding this sometimes uncomfortable, and sometimes hilarious subject, including the absurdly one-sided phenomenon that is the white man in Asia hooking up with Asian girls, of which he is a beneficiary.

I have had a few flings with white girls, and one really serious girlfriend.  I've also dated Asian girls, including from Asia and Asian-Americans.  It pains me to say that I prefer white girls, if only slightly.  It pains me because at some level, I think it's a culturally-imposed preference, created by virtue of western Europeans being the dominant ethnic group for such a long time, and it's a preference based just as much on stereotypes and generalizations as any other preference, or indeed, any other prejudice.  As a result, I've dismissed many Asian girls as undateable, consciously or unconsciously, and that is a shame for obvious reasons.

On the other hand, perhaps my preference is just for a certain set of values and characteristics more commonly found in white girls than in Asian girls.  Lending support to this theory is the fact that I've had a huge crush on an Asian-American girl lately, (who is, of course, dating a white guy).  In any case, if this is what's going on, then perhaps the small tragedy is that my value system is so far removed from that of my ancestors and that of the vast majority of my ethnic group.  But that is a topic for the anthropologists to debate.

I guess my point is that it's tempting to regard multiculturalism or interracial relationships as obviously desirable, without thinking about the underlying dynamics, which can be fraught with difficult questions.  Or maybe my point is that preferring white women (or white men for that matter) seems inescapably to be an imperialistic phenomenon, and that it is worth thinking about as such.

Well that turned out to be more commentary than story.  I guess these are pretty common thoughts, and I just rehashed them a little bit, but there it is.  Here's to adding more points to that scoreboard in the sky.

Nice post man! You have a way with words. Thanks and welcome to the group!

I get really weirded out to hear that Asians don't like other Asians as far as dating goes...my friend, Chinese-American, refuses to date Asian guys because she says she doesn't like "Small dicks." I was horrified to hear her say that reasoning, because she honestly has no personal experience dating an Asian guy, but it comes from somewhere deeper than that...she would often hear Asian guys complain about dating Asian girls and she got pretty bitter about it, so I guess I understand, but it really does make me sad...wow, way to go unorganized rant.

Rick is right, you have a way with words! Welcome to the group!

Yippee I am not alone, I too have always had a thing for asian guys, & always chew people out when they use the word fetish, saying " fetishes are for something wierd like smell of feet or S&M, I dont consider liking Asians wierd. If I told you I prefer black men you wouldn't even give it a 2nd thought,  & before you even ask me about penis size, that is a VERY untrue rumor. Asian men vary in size just as much as any other race"  At which point ii whip out my iphone & show them the pic of my ex's (whos Korean) cock which was 8". I just LOVE watching them stand there speechless.

I too grew up in a predominantly white town & rarely liked any of my classmates then I joined the army & moved to GA. Which allowed me ot try black men, but, when I moved to Hawaii at age 20, I felt at home & in love, I was like a kid in a candy store. I consider this the time when my love for asians blossomed. Now just so we are clear, as much as I do prefer asian men I still date non-asians cuz, IMO there are good looking/interesting people in all races/cultures. BUT I still think I will end up settling down & marrying Korean man,lol.

I also agree with all of you saying how fucked up it is that its considered odd for us white chicks (especially hot ones) to prefer asian men. Actually, I like walking down the street holding some asian guys hand while non asians stare in dismay, I love imagining that they are wondering "wtf is that hot chick doing with an asian dude"

Well to answer that question, I like how I am treated by Asian men, it seems their culture raises them with more of an understanding about respect. I'm so sick of guys saying "but dont they beat their wives & shit" Non asian dudes are always pressuring me to have sex with them the 1st night  &i dont have that problem with asian men cuz they actually respect me & my feelings.

To be honest I dont like non asian men cuz many of them have a strange odor I'll call a pheramone, cuz its not like stinky BO or anything, it just is an unpleasant smell, where as, any & every asian guy I have been with (even fresh out of the gym) NEVER smells.

I also wanted to say 'funinthesun" you are very eloquent with you words, whats your background in?

hey! thanks for that combat barbie! and welcome.

do you mind if i use your blurb as an article piece for spider food?

I went to an elementary school and later high school full of whites, but very few asians, perhaps me and another half dozen kids. As an asian male, I knew early on I couldn't resist the white females around me. Was it their approach to life, their upbringing, their body shapes which are not too curvaceous nor too flat? I remember being around them taking PE classes and being close enough to non intentionally smell their pheremones after a 2 mile run. Call it a fetish if you want but damn, I've been hooked on to white girls my entire life.

i dated a white girl and i like the differences in our lifestyles. she brought something different to the table and it kept me tuned up. i love other races, not that i don't love my own as well, but u know i mean... life is like a bag of skittles, it's sweeter when you taste the rainbow =)

 Ha. That is cute, Jay! I like it. It made me smile. :D

woah 8 inch korean cock. thats huge

I love your quest of moving into the Ktown in search for your love one.  I attended a wedding in the East Bay and noticed that one of the couple is AM/WF. That is wonderful. Where should I go to search for single WF who like AM? lol...

I have a thing for white girl, but I have not had any dating relationship with them. When I was small, I lived in Arizona for six month because my dad was assigned to setup up production lines for Intel there. It was my first time to come to America, and also the first time for me to attend a coed school. I was in grade 3 and my eyes was flooded with beautiful cute barbie dolls. I was shy and only played with them, sided with them when they have confrontation with the guys in the play ground but didn't manage to know more about them, lol. After 6 months, my family and I left and we return to South East Asia. Time when by and I attended college in my birth country. My family is a strict family, where, I can only make friends but never date with any girl till I get my degree. Thus I make some number of friends with Asian girl but only remained as friends, where we eat supper together every night and did some sight seeing.

After I graduated, I returned to the state and joined the Army. During bootcamp, I had a crush on a WF, but I thought that it will never works, as we are going to two different place after the bootcamp, and we seldom has the chance to talk. After the boot camp graduation, I was transferred to a base isolated from any civilization where guys out numbered girls, 10 to 1. There are so few dateable girl that while I was on guard duty in the female floor, I observed different male comrades coming down to a girl's room every few hours, lol. Till this time, I never knew the existence of AMWF relationship. I was always doubtful of the chance of meeting a WF who would like to date an AM.

When I got out and moved to SF Bay area, I begin to use Craigslist to find new friends. At first, a couple of replies came back "You are not my type", lol. I didn't know any Caucasian in the bay area until I got a couple of jobs as tutor and librarian tech. I worked with two cute WFs who are sisters. Unfortunately, they are not available. In 2009, I try Craigslist again and was happy to meet a lovely WF. It is a platonic friendship, and we hangout just for a month before she returned to Switzerland. In 2010, I tried again and meet a Hungarian WF who just started to settle in the Bay area. She is a smart who came from Ivy league and love Asian culture and lifestyle and just interested in platonic friendship. So, we meet up for hikings, bowling and attended fun fair. She was the first WF that I ever hangout with more than a month and also the first girl that hung me in my entire love. [I know it is common to western culture, but it is quite unique and interesting to me]. When I mentioned "How nice if we could know each other earlier!". She would reply that we should live the life independent of each other. So I get the hint that she just want to stay as friend. Few month later, I broke the news that I was going to South Cal for school. So we just remain friends and talked on Skype. lol.

When I reached Orange County in Sept 2010, I got to know about AMWF and started to join various AMWF sites including this one in hope of finding someone from there. Talking about fetish, I had also joined one such site, lol. Oh ya, I am very open minded, lol. I got to know one WF and one Hispanic girl. Both of them are seeing someone and therefore, I remained to be a platonic friend to them. Whenever their bf/partners are busy, I will drive them to various stores to get stuffs as well as hangout with them to watch some movie or play some board games. They would gladly answer my questions about topic pertaining to relationship and sex and I would be like a little kid learning(listen) about them. My WF friend teaches me how to give a hug and feel comfortable about it, lol...

During the first month in the university, I attended some clubs meetings and got to chat with some WFs and got their emails. I emailed them, added them in IM and non of them ever responded. The responds from members in AMWF sites are very good but they are so far away(east coast, canada, europe) that it would be impractical to date and form a solid relationship (long distance relationship). Would anybody here want a long distance relationship. I think WF here want to get physical too. (based on the stats I read in a dating site).

It is kind of strange that I have never meet any single local WF that like asian guy.  All the local girls (Non European) I hangout with have someone. Maybe I am in the worst case scenario, lol. Maybe someone can enlighten me in my search for my first love. :)

Non asian dudes are always pressuring me to have sex with them the 1st night... is that a common thing here that non asian would always want to get laid on the first meet up?

There was one time, I fetched a girl home, and she left a key on my car dash board, went to the toilet in the gas station and came back, and took the key back. When I my car reached her apartment, she claimed that her key was lost, and I asked her was she sure lost the key, and she said yes. I suspected that she might try to get it to the point to come to my apartment to stay, which I think would be impropriate since she was a little drunk and it was the first night that I know her. So, I asked to checked her purse, go through it and found nothing. Then the key just appeared from the other side of her and I escorted her back to her apartment door and give a goodbye hug. :) Will that be considered a 1st night? lol... Is 1st night based on the event that you meet up as a friend or meet up as a date? lol

good forum keep it coming. I am korean american in georgia, can't find a white girl here, i'll venture for other options lol.